We want what we can’t have

I want to write but I have no words.

I want to speak but I have no voice.

I want to cry but I have no tears.

I want to be happy but I can’t.


When It Hits You

You ask yourself,

What’s wrong with me?

You ask yourself,

What happened to me?

You ask yourself,

What can I do to stop this?


Your days are made of

Sleepless nights and restless mornings.


You drink coffee in the morning

And beer at night.

You listen to music in between.


You feel it in your hands,

You feel in your eyes,

You feel it creeping at the back of your neck.


Like an itch you can’t scratch.


You long for company.

You look for someone who can understand.

But no one understands.


Laughter is your shield.

Silence is your friend.


What do you want from me?

Why can’t you just leave me alone?


Leave me alone.


Leave me alone!




Are you still there?


7:00 AM

She woke up before her alarm again. She’s restless.

10:00 AM

She gets up and does everything she needs to do before going to work except breakfast.

11:00 AM

Right on time. It’s cold in the office, as usual. She starts to do the work that they paid her to do.

She’s good at her job and people like her. Three years in the company and a top performer. She’s expecting a promotion soon.

8:00 PM

Time to go home but there are still so much to do in the office.

10:00 PM

She heads home. She hasn’t eaten dinner yet.

10:30 PM

Dinner alone as usual. Everyone else is already sleeping.

11:30 PM

She sits on the bed with her sleeping laptop. She opens the device and sees the title of her unwritten novel.

She sighs. Maybe tomorrow. She thinks to herself.

She sets her alarm to 9:40 AM.

Hey Moon

Chapter I

A youth party. That’s what they called it. They said this was a way for the teenagers in the village to meet each other. I didn’t want to be here but my sister asked me to come. I immediately regret saying yes to her. Five minutes in the party and she had already left me. I was standing alone in the corner when the DJ started to play a slow song. What is this? Prom? I thought to myself, quietly laughing at how cheesey the whole thing was.

As I watched my sister dance with her new found friend, a boy approached me. He was about my age. He asked me if I wanted to dance with him. The invitation caught me by surprise. I looked at my sister, trying to mentally ask her what I should do. I could see her mouthing the words, go.

I took his hand and we danced. I asked him what his name was. He said something but the music was too loud that I couldn’t hear. I knew for sure he didn’t ask for mine. He looked distracted, ike he was looking for someone. I thought to myself, is he trying to make someone jealous? I was starting to feel awkward. I wanted to go back to my corner. Being alone was better than being here. Suddenly, I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around and there you were. You had that big stupid smile on your face that made my heart jump a little for some reason. I looked back at my dance partner but he was gone. I looked at you. You were still smiling when you asked if I wanted to dance.

“Was that your friend?” I asked. You nodded. “So was this all part of you elaborate plan to dance with me?” You nodded again. “You do know that you could’ve just asked,” I said.

“I wanted to surprise you,” you said. “So, may I have this dance?” You asked again.

“I guess,” I answered. You took my hand and we started to sway with the music.

“Do you even know who I am?” I asked.

“Yeah, we went to the same elementary school together. Do you know who I am?”

“Yeah, I know who you are.” I knew exactly who you were.


It was late in the evening. I had just finished eating my dinner when my phone rang.

I could tell you were nervous but I pretended not to notice.

You asked me if I wanted to take a walk with you. It was a common thing in our village. Everyone knew that asking someone to take a walk is a stepping stone to asking someone out on a date.

I wasn’t sure about you yet but I still said yes.

We met at the park. I could still tell you were nervous. You weren’t making eye contact at all. I didn’t understand why though. You seemed so confident the first time I met you.

We started our walk. I broke the ice by asking how you were. “I’m good. I’m really good right now,” you answered. For the first time that night, you looked me in the eyes and smiled. I could feel my cheeks getting warmer, my heart was beating faster. Calm down, I told myself. You asked me how I was too. I answered, “I’m great.” Now I was the one who couldn’t look at you.

After several minutes of walking while having small awkward conversations, we got to the park. I sat on one of the swings. You sat on the one next to mine.

I looked up at the sky. I could see the clouds gathering. “I think it’s about to rain,” I said. “Do you want to go home now?” you asked. “In a bit,” I answered. We sat there in silence while we waited for the first raindrop to fall.


Late night calls are one of the best things in the world.

My parents were out of town and I was left at home, all alone.

You kept me company through the telephone.

It was obvious that you were getting sleepy but still, you kept listening to me.

My parents are going to kill me when they see the phone bill.


Hey moon, please forget to fall down.

The song was playing in my head as we sat in our usual spot.

You held my hand. I rested my head on your shoulder.

I didn’t want this night to end.


Chapter II

It’s been weeks since we last talked. I called you but you didn’t answer. I left you a message asking how you were. You gave me a reply the day after. You apologized and asked if I wanted to see you. I was angry even if I had no right to be. I guess it was my anger and my pride that made me say no. We didn’t see each other for two months.


The village christmas party was when we saw each other again. We pretended like the last couple of months  didn’t happen. It was all so casual. You told me how busy you got with school. I told you about all the classes I’ve been taking. We were just talking, like friends. I thought to myself, maybe we’re just that. Friends.

But then you smiled, that stupid smile, and I couldn’t think straight anymore.


We continued right where we left off.

Late night phone calls, long walks around the village, texting until one of us eventually falls asleep.

It was nice. I was happy.


They say that you never forget your first kiss but thinking back on mine, everything’s a blur.

I don’t know when it happened, how it happened, and why it happened. I could only remember how my heart and my head felt. My heart was pounding so hard it was like it was beating out of my chest. My head was turning that I couldn’t think straight. It was like my brain had melted after you kissed me.

What was I feeling? Could this be love?


Chapter III

It wasn’t.

The moon couldn’t wait and the night had to end.

Good Night

I lie awake at night thinking about how tired I am and how tired I’ll be tomorrow.

I toss and turn, telling myself to go to sleep.

Count sheeps, maybe that’ll help.

I get to 419 and I’m nowhere close to the sweet slumber that my body longs for.

I toss and turn again.

Maybe I should stop thinking.

The more I thought about stopping my thoughts, the more I thought of all the thoughts.

The word ‘thought’ sounds weird to me now.

I say it out loud. “Thought”.

Maybe I should try writing.

I open my laptop and type:

‘I lie awake at night thinking about how tired I am and how tired I’ll be tomorrow.’

I feel my eyes getting heavier.

It’s working.

I see that I’m no longer able to think straight.

My fingers don’t know what they’re doing anymore.

It’s time.

I close my laptop.

I close my eyes.

3, 2, 1.



The lights are switched on.

I open my eyes to see my wasted sister, home from her late night out.

I angrily tell her to turn the lights off.





I’m awake again.